Nothing makes you question whether you want to invest another year into your online space more than your hosting provider sending you your yearly renewal invoice for payment. Do I want to keep my domain, do I care if someone wants to take over my site, do I have any energy left to punch out a post here and there and keep the masses happy (and by masses I mean my sister and sometimes my mum, if i remind her).
The truth is that my blog is scary. The keyboard fills me with so much anxiety that over time just the thought of sitting down and writing gets me a little overwhelmed, I then can’t be bothered, and decide I’ll work on it “next weekend”. And to give you some idea just as to how long I’ve been procrastinating with this decision, the photos up above, yeah well they were taken in September of 2017. I’ve grown another head and a full foot taller so much time has passed.
Maybe I need to elaborate. The blog itself is not overly scary. Sure, I’ve deleted things accidentally here and there and stuffed up a link or two but surely that’s all part of the fun. It’s the actual context of putting things up online that is scary and that has changed so much since starting this space so many years ago. I used to just write, share a story of not much significance and be happy that I had somewhere for these stories to live for a little. I’m not here to tell anyone “How To Become A Morning Person” or provide you hot tips on “5 Ways To Increase Your Followers”. I actually kind of groan aloud whenever I read those types of posts. Not because they don’t have a place in the world, it’s just that it feels like that all there is online now. I miss the old days of bad grammar, not sharing the fact that you’ve just written a post across several different types of social media, or when people wouldn’t send you emails asking you to promote their coffee scrub. It used to be just for sharing, to whatever extent you were comfortable, and I really miss that. Bad iPhone photos and all.
It wasn’t until today after a little outing with one of my dearest companions, that I found my answer to my domain renewal conundrum on whether or not I should continue with this silly little space. You see, she started to fill me in on this Mormon family she was following and how much she loved looking into their lives, how ever you can say the without sounding like a creep. It then reminded me how much I miss the old school blogs that I would follow religiously because they were a real look into someone else’s life. They were interesting, I loved seeing how other people go about normal everyday things, and their writing was full of energy because it was about things that were important to them and not just just key phrases to get you ranked better in google. It was personal and funny and sometimes sad and I got sucked into their family as if I were an adopted dog. I loved it.
People don’t blog a lot like that anymore. I don’t blog like that anymore. And the less that I do, the more I’m tempted to let the old domain renewal go through to the keeper and step away from the keyboard. Because these days you have to set a condition on everything before you say it.
“All opinions expressed are my own and I in no way wish to offend anyone, and I welcome the opportunity to discuss further..”
“I just want to start off by acknowledging that …”
“Before I start can I just make it clear that this is in no way…”
We all sound the same because we’re all so scared of being trolled and posted about in some “Blog Hate” forum so we try to be so politically correct about every damn thing that you really just lose any personality you may have been lucky to have in the first place. It’s pretty stupid. And let’s be clear that with every tragedy that happens in the world… just because I may not post the same generic post of support on my social media as everyone else, does not in any way shape or form mean that I am not supportive of a cause/issue/stance that may be the topic of discussion. I just choose to keep some things to myself, or when I don’t know how I feel about something, I take the time to think about it before just jumping on the bandwagon with some constructed hashtag to show people I agree or want to be included.
I was catching up on a blog I’ve followed for a while the other day, and she had about 1000 words dedicated to apologising for not posting a message about the recent school shooting in America. On that day she was instead talking about a kitchen disaster she had which was ruining her day (guuurl, i hear you, I hate the kitchen). And of course, she was met with a barrage of comments about how insensitive she was by talking about such a trivial thing and not reflecting on what had happened with the shooting. Like come on. You have no idea how she felt about that issue, and just because she chose not to publicly comment does not mean she was as responsible as if she were handing out guns on the street herself. Can’t we all just ease up on things a little? I bet the people making the comments don’t have a website or social media presence either and have no experience with how difficult it can be to manage everyone’s expectations and keep the entire world happy, one Instagram post at a time. We all have to be socially responsible, but when does that mean we have to all clone one single sentiment and bash everyone else if they choose to keep quiet on something.
This whole idea of “blogging” actually reminds me of an awkward encounter I had once with a talent agency a few years ago that I’ve almost forgotten about. At the time, I was mortified with how it all went down, but now I just laugh. See I was approached by a talent management company about having them represent this blog and myself. Naturally I was so thrilled they even contacted me so I met them with no hesitation. During our chat they asked me what it is I do. Like “Megan, what exactly do you do on your blog?” (this is where it gets hilarious). I looked at them weirdly as in, clearly you’ve read it or why are we here, but nonetheless I played along in my most honest way possible with an answer along the lines of, “Well, I don’t really do anything specific. I go places, or I do certain things that I want to remember, or I have stories I just want to share and I write about them. Because it may be interesting to someone else or it may give them ideas on things they can do for themselves. I’m certainly not someone who can pout at the camera or look sexy up against a wall while promoting something. I just share things really, when I want or when I feel like I want to write it down”. Let’s all clap for poor naive little Megan.
Oh the look on their faces! I laugh now because I said every single thing you should not say to an agency looking to sign you on their books. But it was honest. They also bought out an amazingly gorgeous dessert during our meeting and now I can see it was a test. A test of, will this wannabe-blogger take the time to snap a shot of this amazing dessert or is she just going to let the opportunity pass. No surprises here, I let the opportunity pass. Because my mum would be mortified if I whipped out my phone and interrupted a meeting with someone in order to take a photo of something stupid. They ended the meeting by making it clear that “I wouldn’t get any paid work for some time, but they could look at getting some promotional work for products on a contra basis for me (meaning I get nothing for creating/promoting a product other than a free sample)”. Again, being too honest, I said that’s funny because I’m already getting paid and I’m quite happy with that. They ended it there with a “Don’t call us, we’ll call you” look and that was it. I never heard from them and at the time I was really discouraged and hurt. But now…. goodness now, I want to just high five myself for being such a legend and telling them I wasn’t really interested in a free coffee body scrub.
Sooo…. after 1600 words the long and short of it is this. Turns out that renewal email I mentioned earlier was really only a courtesy receipt as I’d set my domain to auto-renew and the money had already been debited from my account. So guys it looks like I’ll be sticking around here for a while, hopefully in all of my awkwardness and honesty for all to see, for at least another 12 months (the universe is a sneaky son of a bitch that way sometimes). Hopefully by bringing it back to what brought me here in the first place, and why I was willing to pay to register a silly domain name at all all those years ago.